I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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