So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
