hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
