this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
