I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
