Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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