Ketchup is God's man juice
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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