you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
