wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
