I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
