Screwed.edu
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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