I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize