If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
