Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
