I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
