We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
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I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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