you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
