Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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