oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
