I wish my penis had an off switch
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
