i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
