I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
