Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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