He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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