just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
