woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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