I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
