i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
