I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
