Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
