This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
