I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
