nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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