Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
