...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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