Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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