i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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