I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
