Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
