i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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