My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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