Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
