Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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