those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
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