Only a mothe r could love this liver
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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