im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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