it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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