hotel room ftw
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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