All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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