Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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