cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
