Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
