he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
