I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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