pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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