My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
