Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
