yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
