I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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