If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
