I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You're like the curious george of whores
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
