Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
