Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
