There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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