I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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