im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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