Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
