my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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