I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
