I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
