she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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