I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize