my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
