There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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